Ewan ko ba kung bakit type kita, ‘di ka naman gwapo.. 🎶
SOMETIMES, there are certain things that will make our head upside down. Minsan, akala natin, wala lang, hindi magkakatotoo, hindi mangyayari, wala namang kwenta, hindi mo gusto.. pero, paano kapag dumating yung time na bigla na lang magbago ang lahat? What if one day you woke up feeling all the opposite, and you can’t do anything about it but to accept it.
Will you take the risk?
WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. Sorry, masyado yata akong nadala kaagad. I’m gonna tell you my story. A very typical story yet it’s marking my head and my heart deep.
It’s my first time to have a job. I’m a fresh graduate and luckily, I’ve got a job in my previous training station in Manila. The company’s atmosphere is too good to be true. Yung dating nasa imagination ko lang na nagtatrabaho ako sa isang prestihiyosong kumpanya where I’m bumping with corporate-attired people, where everything’s in their right places, lights are screaming with elegance, I sit on a rolling, soft chair which they call swivel, and where people are speaking english most of the time. Sorry, too much for the description. Masyado akong na-overwhelm.
Dito ko sya nakilala. Sa isang typical rin na paraan. He’s also like me, previous OJT, at ngayon ay nagtatrabaho na rin sya dito. Nakilala at napansin ko sya dahil sa tuksuhan ng mga co-workmates ko.
I don’t know when did it started. Siguro noong pinakilala nila ako sa kanya noong first day ko (well, he go the job first a month before my hiring, I guess). Nakita ko na sya dati noong OJT pa lang din sya.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit sa araw araw na lang na ginawa ni God, wala silang kasawa-sawa na biruin kaming dalawa. Yung sa tuwing malapit sya sa area namin, magsisimula na ang tuksuhan. Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit naisipan nilang asarin ako doon. Well, hindi naman ako nahihiya ng todo. Minsan lang kapag sobra na sila. I never felt awkward, nor irritated. Natatawa lang ako ng sobra.
And as the time pass by, patuloy pa rin sila sa pagbibiro sa aming dalawa. Minsan nga OA na sila. Sinasabi pa nila na girlfriend daw ako nya, nagdedate daw kami, kinikilig daw ako, magkatext daw kami palagi, namimiss ko daw sya, and the such.
I woke up one day na umaayon na ang isip at puso ko sa mga pang-aasar nila sa amin. I was startled, of course. Dahil hindi ko akalain na napo-fall na pala ako. It’s definitely an insane suicide. I’m falling for a stranger — well, not totally dahil magkakilala na kami. I started to feel butterflies inside my tummy, my heart beats abnormally when he’s around. Man, this is bad. Ang cliché ‘di ba? Pero kahit napakatypical pala ng ganitong feeling, kakaiba pa rin. Ang saya, and at the same time, nakakatakot. What if I was totally fallen and he wasn’t able to catch me? What if everything I feel is just temporary? What if I get hurt too bad? What if, everything is just a joke? Hayy. Too many ‘what ifs’. It’s getting worse than I thought.
Nakakatakot kasi ramdam ko na yung pagdating ng time na, I started imagining, dreaming, and assuming things. It freaks the hell out of me.
“Minsan, minamahal natin ang isang tao kahit wala naman silang ginagawa. Sometimes, we just… fall for their smiles, their wit, their personality… or simply, we just fall for who they really are and not for what have they done to earn our hearts.” — Erica Viktoria (Sexy Crazy Wife, TOG3)
Hanggang ngayon marami pa rin akong ‘what ifs’ inside my mind. Probably, it won’t end that easily. You know the feeling that you’re still hoping this will work, kahit alam mong, 1% lang ang chance. I want to take all the risk, but I’m afraid to lose in the end, thus, it’s really a one pathetic game.
I don’t know how to rate my seriousness about this.